Nice and Blamed
I am a nice person.
I am kind hearted and care about everyone.
In my book everyone matters.
Yes I like to find ways we can all have the most of what we want.
I believe in the possibility of everyone moving in the direction of their desires, their personal fulfilment.
I believe it is possible for us all to have more joy than pain in our life.
I believe in personal autonomy, freedom, and right of choice.
With freedom comes responsibility.
I love my freedom. I embrace my responsibility.
Being like this is not easy in this world.
In this world others are very happy to blame.
They shy from taking responsibility for their actions and life.
They like to push it onto others.
I was never taught how to recognise what was my responsibility and what was not. Indeed I was taught to take more responsibility than was mine by right. I was blamed for so much from an early age.
I was older so I ought to know better. It was my fault.
I did not think it was my fault. She was younger yes, yet she knew what she was doing was wrong, just as I did. Still I was taught to bare the brunt of it. To accept the blame.
I was helpless without skills, without someone willing to hear my side, someone who had the time to consider and teach resolving skills, or set boundaries. It was easier for them to blame. I don’t blame them. I was deeply hurt. Yet I understand they did not have the skills or space to teach what I needed to learn.
Unfortunately this lack of skills set me up to be taken advantage of. Between my kind, considerate, caring heart and lack of skills, I provide an ideal target for blame and bullying.
My life has been one of living who I am, unable to effectively set boundaries, not because I was a martyr, or resentful, but rather because I lacked skills and I did not know how to distinguish what was and was not my responsibility. Nice people like me can be good dumping grounds.
I spent years in personal development, improving my living skills. At the same time I continued being dumped on. It continued to hurt. I did not understand why people would do it.
I have learnt to I recognise the difference between nice and mean, respectful and disrespectful, I use my definition and principles to direct my life. To select whom I spend time with. So I can be me: caring, kind and considerate, as is my nature. To be so in a way that is appreciated and adds value to my and others' lives.
Photo by Ashley Jurius via unsplashed
No longer do I accept the blame dumped on me. Others do not appreciate this. They want to keep dumping. No.
I accept responsibility for who I am and my choices, I direct my life. Not yours.
I am a human. I am not perfect. I am developing my ability more and more to be humane in my life. This is my choice. This is how I want to live my life.
I claim, being nice, as a way of living.
To do so I select whom I spend my time with, because who I spend time with influences my ability to be me, safely.
How about you? Do you claim your right to be a 'nice person'?